BIG GORDIE'S BIG JAUNT

[bc]

Hi Gordie, Just read a story coming out of your home colony. Apparently 4 cut off human feet, all right feet, floated up on the shore by Vancouver Island, and have been found at different times since last August. Two more were found this week including a left foot in a shoe on Monday and another right foot on Wednesday.

Here is what your crack mounties had to say about the latest two feet: "It is a little mysterious, but we don't know if it is linked to others."

Well, duhhhh... Maybe we'll have to send Barney Fife up your way to help out the investigation!

[biggordie]

bc:

I think that they are afraid to jump the gun[and label them as the result of a serial killer] before they can identify any of the footsies via DNA. The sites where the feet were found are rather widespread. Four of them were on the Island, or on different nearby Gulf Islands. Two were found on islands just off the mainland.

Since the Gulf is the location of many airplane and fishing boat accidents, there is some speculation that the feet may have come from same - so they are attempting to get comparison DNA samples from family members of lost men, and from reported "missing" men. The RCMP tends to be ultra-cautious in these matters.

If you were not aware, the RCMP acts as the Provincial Police Force in all of the western provinces, and several of the maritime provinces as well. They also serve as the municipal PD in many cities and towns which find it easier to farm out their policing to the Mounties, rather than handling the responsibility themselves. All they have to do is pay the freight, and then refer any complaints to the force.

All of the wash-up locations so far have been within areas under the jurisdiction of the RCMP. Five of the feet were right feet - all of them were male, and all were found in running shoes of different sizes. I'm not at all certain that the first site could properly be termed a wash-up location - it seems to me that it was too far in, and up, from the beach for the tide to reach. I think the theory was that it had washed up and been re-located by some critter dragging it.

Not having been in the investigative business for several years, I am not prepared to boldly declare SERIAL KILLER!!!, but I will state for the record that:

a) there was more than one victim, and
b) I will not be wearing my trainers any time soon

Regards,

Gordie

PS Stay tuned - although the US news people may not cover this story for more than three days, what with the horrible floods and all, it isn't going to go away up here.

[clw]

I have a horse named "Dudley Do Right". Maybe I should ship him up there to help.

Just kidding! Don't yell at me! (got the package )

[biggordie]

There should have been TWO!!

In the unfathomable way of official agencies, it was cheaper to send two packages than one containing the contents of the two [sorta like when it's cheaper to buy two small sizes than one giant size of some product at the supermarket].

Gordie

[bc]

Yeah, where is Dudley Do Right when you need him? The mounties probably don't want it to be known that they suspect Boris and Natasha are up to one of their dirty deeds again.

[biggordie]

OHHHHHH. You iz a BAAAAD MAN!!

Gordie

[biggordie]

Actually, it sorta reminds me of an old short story titled "Thus I Refute Beelzy," which was the story of a little boy who one day was playing in the garden, scratching in the dirt with a stick when he accidentally [you had to guess at this, since it was only in retrospect that it fit] summoned up the Devil, who told him that his name was [you can call me] Beelzy.

His mother, of course, told him that this was all a matter of his imagination, and that Beelzy wasn't real, and the child replied that he was, and that she wasn't real. The mother then said [as often happens] just wait until your father gets home, and you'll see what's real.

The little boy said he wasn't afraid, because Beelzy said that if anyone tried to hurt him, he would come like a lion, and eat them up. His mother thereupon sent him upstairs to his room.

When the dad came home, she told him the story, and the dad dutifully trudged up the stairs. In a few moments, there came a shriek from that general direction, and the mother said to her visiting lady friend "Hurry, that was not little ," and they ran to the stairs and started up.

The final lines of the story, and I've obviously never forgotten them, are:

"They found the shoe on the second landing, with the foot still in it - like some small morsel which had dropped unnoticed from the jaws of a cat."

I immediately thought of this story when the first foot was found. You can see why.

Gordie

[biggordie]

I just Googled Thus I Refute Beelzy, which is apparently rather famous. The author was John Collier and the father and son were named Big and Small Simon. I didn't get it entirely right, which is hardly surprising after 30 or 40 years, and the last line is not correctly quoted, but pretty close.

Check it out for yourself - it is well worth the few minutes it takes to read it.

Gordie

[BrokenSword]

OHH, the dumb and insensitive comments/jokes that come to mind.

NAWH, I'll let it go.

M

[clw]

There were two Gordie -- typo omitting the s. Fantastic reading as usual. I'm working my way through them and getting nothing done as a result.

I saw the story about the feet on today's news. One or two from accidents is believable, but six? Very bizarre. But we know the Mounties always get their man.

PS I did not name that horse. He came that way.

[biggordie]

The latest news from the "Do you know where your feet are?" front.

Four hours or so ago, it was announced that the latest find was a hoax [nice hoax!!]. The foot was in fact an animal paw [species not named] put in a sock and shoved into the running shoe, semi-covered with seaweed so that the reality would not be readily apparent. Then, I suppose, strategically placed so as to be easily discovered [on the beach directly in front of a popular RV campground].

The truth was discovered by the ME who made the initial examination, and probably took all of two minutes [including removal of the seaweed]. My guess is that the finder is in for a round of tough questioning.

Gordie

Off through the hail, like a pack of angry wolves on the trail,
we are after you dead or alive - we are out to get you dead or alive.
And if you're the one, better run, better run away -
Son throw your gun, throw your gun, throw your gun away.
Here come the Mounties to get the man they're after today......................

[biggordie]

Without intending to interrupt the continuing saga of the male feet found beached, or docked in one case, or perhaps too high up to have been deposited by the tide, we now return to the original theme of this thread, which was, if you'll recall - BIG GORDIE'S BIG JAUNT.

Now, the BIG JAUNT was originally to be to LBH, and that was postponed until 2010, and was replaced by a BIG JAUNT to the UK and Ireland in 2009. To reduce the confusion over these trips, and to make it easier for the thousands of interested readers, I am going to refer to the UK trip as THE BIG JAUNT, and to the LBH trip as THE BIGGER JAUNT.

Here is the itinerary, subject to change and with no dates established, except that it will begin in early September and end in early October, 2009, for THE BIG JAUNT -

One week and a couple of extra days in LONDON, followed by STRATFORD and COVENTRY, through YORK to EDINBURGH, then on to STRATHPEFFER in the highlands - a side trip to the West Coast, then over the sea to SKYE [where biggordie sings the Skye Boat Song, and is stoned by the locals] and then on to Glasgow [stopping along the way at all the famous spots you can think of].

From Glasgow, it's across to BELFAST, NI and on to SLIGO, ROI, visiting DERRY and the Giant's Causeway on the way. From Sligo, it's on to KNOCK, GALWAY, across the Burren to the Cliffs of Moher, and on to ENNIS. Around the Dingle Peninsula, and on to KILLARNEY. An excursion to The Ring Of Kerry takes up a full day.

From Killarney to BLARNEY, to kiss the Stone, through CORK to TRAMORE, a seaside resort. From Tramore to DUBLIN, with sightseeing along the way. From Dublin to WREXHAM, Wales, then to CARDIFF.

From Cardiff to BATH, England, on to GLASTONBURY, DARTMOOR, WIDDICOMBE and PLYMOUTH [where biggordie is arrested trying to sail away in HMS Victory]. A full day excursion to Cornwall visits ST. MICHAEL's MOUNT, and Land's End, and ST. IVES.

From Plymouth to Brighton, via Stonehenge, SALISBURY and ARUNDEL. Leaving Brighton, it;s off to LONDON again, stopping at LEWES and ROYAL TUNBRIDGE WELLS along the way.

The sights and intermediate stops are too numerous to mention. When I have firmed up the dates, I will post same, and invite all of my two friends from the UK and Ireland to see if we cannot arrange to meet in one or another of the main stopovers [some of which are for two nights].

As to THE BIGGER JAUNT, to LBH in 2010, I'm not sure exactly when or for how long that will last. I will be arranging a private tour which will encompass the Battle of the Rosebud site; a trip down the Rosebud in the footsteps [or hoof marks] of the Seventh and the NDNs, stopping at the various campsites of both, and visiting the Deer Medicine Rocks; a trip up Davis Creek following the trails, with a stop at the Crow's Nest, then down Ash Creek- visiting the main features of the march, including the Morass and the site of the Lone Tipi - to Reno's initial ford; travel across Reno's battlefield and around the Custer battlefield, Reno-Benteen, and etc.

I am going to take this four-day tour and spend some extra days at the Monument - how many, I don't know yet, probably a week or so. Since I can take three other people on this tour at no extra charge, I will be inviting interested parties to express their interest [NOT YET], after I have invited one person specially. Depending upon the response to that invitation, there may still be three spots open. My thought now is to ask for a contribution of 250 bucks from each person who wants to go [this is considerably less than !/4 of the cost. The tour does not include accomodations; but I am sure that we can pool our resources and work out something convenient and cheap*. I still have many, many, details to work out and solidify, and question, so don't overwhelm me with your own queries just yet.

For those of you who ride [horses] and would like to take a horseback tour of the non-NPS portions of the battlefield, in addition to the four-day jaunt, I can arrange that for 120 bucks a pop. I can no longer sit a horse for any length of time.

The prices are in 2008 dollars, and are likely to rise - probably certain to rise is more accurate, so that any dollar amounts shown are "subject to change, LOL." For anyone who might be contemplating a trip to the LBH, and who wants to visit the places of interest I have mentioned, starting to ponder whether or not you might wish to become involved in THE BIGGER JAUNT, will not be out of place, even though it will not transpire for another two years.

As Custer discovered, it never hurts to plan ahead. BUT REMEMBER - NOT YET!!

Gordie

* if it turns out that there are three females, they can all creep into my sleeping bag with me. It's a big bag..................

[biggordie]

An update on the feet situation.

A foot in an athletic shoe was found on a beach in Sweden a couple of weeks ago. Who knew thay had beaches in Sweden? I wouldn't go into that water on a bet. In any event, it is hardly likely that that foot had anything to do with our BC feet [unless they floated over from Sweden via the Northwest Passage].

Forensics has now narrowed down the possibilities in respect of the five "genuine" feet. Two of them belonged to the same man [one left and one right - that worked out nicely], and one used to adorn the bottom of the leg of a female. The other two belonged to two other men. All of the feet exhibit signs consistent with having been detached from the body by natural decomposition. There were no tool marks or evidence of them having been severed, simply separated. It would appear that there was not a serial killer involved.

DNA has been extracted from all of them - it now remains only to find matching DNA, and the files of all "possible" missing persons are being examined to see if anything jumps out at the investigators. There have been a couple of fruitless comparisons with DNA from missing victims of a plane crash a few years ago.

More later, but first the baseball scores: 3-2, 9-4 and 6-5 in a 12 inning nail-biter!! And here's a partial score - Philadelphia 4...............

Gordie

[alfuso]

Jul 14, 2008 20:02:32 GMT -6 biggordie said:

More later, but first the baseball scores: 3-2, 9-4 and 6-5 in a 12 inning nail-biter!! And here's a partial score - Philadelphia 4...............

Gordie

Finals in the Prince Valiant Broadswords Championship - For Sooth and Two Wit


alfuso

[biggordie]

The RCMP has now verified through DNA testing that none of the feets came from any plane crash or commercial fishermen drowning victims. One of the feet, I believe the first found, has been similarly identified as having come from a missing male who was known to be despondent and potentially suicidal.

In a possibly-connected bit of news emanating from Washington State authorities, they have all of a sudden remembered [last week] that a year or two ago, a body washed up on the Olympic Peninsula [which is south of B.C.], the most notable feature of which was that it was missing both feet.

Stay tuned for further details, and next year's TV schedules [pronounced shedyules].

Gordie